Pagan Village News

and that is those who seek to validate their existence through outside superficial means. Many of us have faced issues throughout our lives that have at times caused permanent lasting effects. One of the biggest things is lack of self esteem or validation of one's self. This can and does create a vicious circle that leaves one feeling empty and constantly searching for that one thing that will fill the void in their lives.Some turn to alcohol or drugs, others turn to food, others turn to other people to validate and fill that void, and yet some again turn to spirituality be it the mainstream or our path of Witchcraft to fill that void. None of these things can or will accomplish that for you.One has to go deep inside and seriously take a look at what is there and clean out the trash and learn to love themselves for who and what they are.

Everyone has that special thing that makes them unique and valuable to themselves and others. Sadly enough through indoctrination, parental influence, or abuse they have had that part of them squashed for lack of a better word. Does this mean that you have to stay this way? NO Will change come easily? NO Can someone fix you? NO You have to do that yourself and it means some hard and sometimes grueling work on your part. The road is not easy and there are no short cuts, for many this process takes years to accomplish, but in the end you will find that you are a valuable, loving person in your own right and that you have your own gifts and talents to give to the world. Until you do that work you cannot expect and will never have a good healthy relationship with anyone else.

The biggest thing I see in the world today are people who feel the

validation they need comes from another person. I see it time and time again and I also see how each time it ends in hurt and even more devastation to one's soul and self respect. Take for instance the person who jumps from one bad relationship right into another and another. The feeling behind this is that well they are spending time with me and they pay attention to me so they must love me and so that means I'm a good person worthy of love. When that relationship runs its course as all such types of relationships will, they are left again with that empty feeling and will go in search of yet another person to validate their existence...and will hook up with the first person who pays them attention. Have they found validation? NO...they have just perpetuated the cycle.

Many times students will look to their teachers to validate their existence and place all that in the teachers lap. I can't tell you how difficult and at times abusive this can be for a teacher. We are all students, yes that includes the teacher. We have issues just like everyone else. While we can present you with methods of working through your problems and guide you along the path..we cannot do the work for you. YOU must DO THE WORK. We will guide and help you, we will advise you, but we will not fix you.

So how does one get past this type of thing? Well you start out by learning to love yourself for who you are. For the person who hops from one bad relationship to another...or uses sex to validate themselves, I strongly advise you to spend time on your own. No relationships and no endless trail of lovers. Spend some time alone. Think about what you want in life, about what you feel, about the

past hurts you've experienced. Look at yourself honestly and with out judgment. Take out those deeply embedded hurts, examine them, be honest with yourself about them, and then let them go. Banish the power they hold on you. Look at your good qualities and talents. How can you use them to better your life. Learn to love yourself faults and all. Remember there is always good and bad that makes up balance. Learn to love both parts of you and to forgive yourself

for not being perfect. No one is perfect...if you were again you would be just as out of balance as you are now. And my gods how boring is perfect. Each of us is special in our own way and in that we bring balance to the world by being who we are and contributing our own

special talents to the world. No one else can do that for you and until you do the above exercises you will never fill that void. NEVER! And you can never have an open loving relationship with anyone...NEVER!!

For those of us who walk the path of the witch know that you can never learn our ways or follow this path until you are a whole strong person in your own right. This path will not make that happen. In fact I daresay that until you are a strong whole person in your own right that this path will only further damage you, and that damage can be irreversible. Our path requires strong people, people who are confident in what they do and confident in themselves. Only then will they be able to learn our ways and become a leader or teacher. Your heart, mind, soul, and body must be open and free of all such negative energies.

I have a brief meditative exercise below that one can use to really take a look at themselves. Make it something you work on daily. Reach deep inside and pull out all that is negative or blocking you from becoming whole and take a close honest look at it. And work on it until you can let it go and find healing.

Go to a place where you can sit quietly and not be disturbed for at

least an hour. Make yourself comfortable, you may sit or lay down
Some like to use candles, incense or music to help with meditation...use what works for you or use nothing at all. Start at your toes and tense and then let them relax...follow this up through the legs, the back the shoulders, arms, head etc. Tensing and then letting them relax completely. Clear your mind of all the clutter, if something pops into your mind examine it and then let it go. Focus on your breathing to help bring you into a meditative state. Allow thoughts to flow freely...look at them examine them. What are they? Do they make you uncomfortable? Why? Examine each thing one at a time until you can look at them honestly and understand them. Then let them go. If you run into something that causes pain or fear take time to more closely examine this. It may take more than one session to get past certain issues but work on it until you do. When you feel ready come back do so slowly taking time to think of what you've done and then go about your day as you feel ready. Do not get frustrated and give up if this does not work for your right away. This process takes time and constant practice, but if you are diligent each session will become easier.

Will this cure you or fix you or fill that void? No, it is simply a beginning exercise on the path to self discovery and self love. But it is a start. Keep a record of all your sessions in a journal. This journal will be where you will write faithfully all your self doubts, fears, the results of your meditations and work that you do towards becoming a whole confident person in your own right. Be honest in your writings

and look back at them ... you will find answers to things that

have plagued you and blocked you from being all you are and can be.

Here are some other questions to contemplate:
How does your creativity naturally manifest?
What do you wish you could do with your life?
What would you do with your life if nothing could stop you from

succeeding?
What are you most secret fantasies and dreams for your life?
Are your fantasies about your life really yours, or were they

implanted by your parents, your culture, or your friends?

Another words are you living only to please others to the

detriment of yourself and your soul.
What were you interested in as a child?

Remember many of the reasons you have that void came

from events in your life that have taken away that

person you were meant to be. You must work to get

back to that place and heal the hurts that have been placed on you.

With time and good honest work you can become the

person you want to be. And only then will you be strong enough

to follow the path to your destiny. You can and will have that

relationship with others you've wanted and it will be a healthy open

honest relationship. One that will stand the sands of time.

And for students of the olde ways, only then will you be ready to

follow the path of the Witch.

Brightest Blessings,
Laura

But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
--Thomas Jefferson, Notes on Virginia, 1782